BeLIEVE me when I tell you: by the time opportunity back West presented itself, I needed to pursue it HASTILY. I wasn’t expecting, nor was I prepared for, the frigid chill of the northeast. Back then, though I dearly felt for this northeastern woman, I wanted a better location for us. She’d done a lot for David Hojak, who’d asked so much, in a short amount of time… and we’d grown to be close again quite quickly. I knew I’d be “asking a lot of her” by suggesting she travel with me to Las Vegas… where my opportunity would afford us both more than a figurative igloo near the Canadian border. Summers there got warmer than 60° Fahrenheit. Plus, Vegas would have a football stadium that didn’t house my favorite NFL team’s division rival. And it was in a state with more humane weather… nor did it have neighbors that wanted to commit suicide each winter based on frigid, hellacious, ungodly chill.

The location was “cooler” hypothetically, though not nearly as cold geographically, with more to do locally. Things there were more fun… no matter how you spent your night. Sporting events were warmer, outdoor time spent was were common, and music artists didn’t freeze to death while touring there. Moving in was a swift process. Adjusting to the atmospheric alterations between her home & Las Vegas, on the other hand…… MUCH different story. As well, seeing her adjust to living outside her state’s proximity… that’d be “new,” to say the least.

They call Vegas “The City of Lights,” for two reasons… first, it never cools down enough for you to believe it’s nighttime. They also call this overly-publicized ghetto-in-disguise “The City of Lights” because it’s all they want you to see. Interestingly enough, you’re only seeing those in Vegas when you’re in a Casino… or you’re driving on Las Vegas Blvd., where 98% of that area’s casinos are ever-so-conveniently located.

Cold hard truth: once you’re on that strip, even if you’re broke…… you don’t want to leave. It’ll be 4:00am out there, you’ll have just lost everything on a single, last ditch bet… and you’ll still think “I can win it back” walking by another casino. Believe me, I’ve seen it, for myself. These people don’t forethink their actions at all, ever. They were never taught to. Sadly, all the misbehaved drop-outs became the ones who produced our “gambling nation’s” future… ESPECIALLY in collective societies like that one. Even more sadly, so many of them recreationally gather in places like this.

David Hojak only had some days to acclimate to suddenly-unbearable and drastically unreasonable heat. Afterwards and all at once, the time to start work was upon him. Given a minimal timeframe within which to make the cross-country drive & get situated, time was of the essence. The development of websites for restaurants I’d never even eaten at… and, in some cases, places I hadn’t even known had existed, in Vegas… was suddenly upon me all at once, as a “Welcome to Vegas” gift. After such an immediate & ambitious journey, I had a clear-cut set of “directives:” secure our home AND my woman. The most important contribution to seeing these objectives achieved would ultimately be performance at my new job.

Success there was ultimately dictated by the very health that had haunted me throughout my journey to that point. Still, I couldn’t let “worst-case” thoughts stalk my psychology. My directive was to make this chance work beyond my health predicament, for as long as possible… while somehow appeasing this sudden woman. I did my best on both fronts. Work was easy for me. Some nights, I stayed out late, dedicated to on-location photography, customers & site assessments per casino, as requested by boss. On occasion, I’d stay overnight if I photographed or interviewed the “late/early” crowd, then worked the next morning. During each stay, I’d sample & photograph various menu items from the company’s varied eateries… all to effectively “create” their internet presence, which hadn’t existed at all before I came along. Of all the things I’d ever most supportively counseled friends on… I’d now be taking my own advice on leaving the past behind psychologically, while optimistically & professionally pursuing my future.

“Leg One” of my journey involved the first company, and that lasted for about a year & a half. Eventually, one day, after having fallen asleep at my desk a morning after an “all-nighter” work-wise, I was let go. “Leg Two” involved Life Insurance licensure in Nevada, which required class & testing & time… and which SUCKED. Every other phone call was a death-sentence discussion, or someone anticipating someone else’s demise… or even better, both at once. Worst of all, it was commission-based and commission only…… which, in & of itself, also sucked. “No base salary” meant “show up every day with a smile, ready to NOT earn… with slight possibility of a paycheck.” Naturally, it didn’t last very long. Before just a couple of months, after losing my first Vegas job, I came home one day to spousal abandonment. Yet, by now, solitude as an element of finality was something I’d become accustomed to.

Though she’d seen so little, it was better that way. I would have hated for her to have to experience a REAL “health emergency” of my own. So much life-wise for me, from neurological “surgeries” to outright 911-scale dispatch emergencies, have happened since she disappeared. Though hard at times, I’ve endured a dangerous path to reach the places I have. Throughout my last days in Nevada, I was alone, with no contact whatsoever from anyone for months. I did juuuuuust fine. The “fun” part of that comes later.

At first while in Vegas, life turned around. I got re-licensed to drive, and a passed-down sum of money came my way. It mostly went towards financing the first car I’d owned in years, primarily for what became various work purposes. This is that car, after I unconsciously wrecked it… about two years after it was purchased. I was on my way back to Nevada from California. “#4” already kicked rocks, and I wanted to say goodbye to a friend.., because I knew I’d be leaving, too. Sadly, I had no idea back then that it’d be the very last time I ever saw him… and even despite that, I almost died on the way home in my interstate-laden trek.

I had been visiting my friend, not to ask for help, but to visit someone I cared about. Having missed my family for so long, he was as close as I’d come to any other elder. Older friends like him were genuine. Almost dying via a neurological malfunction while behind the high-speed wheel meant nothing to me. Being within the proximity of one who cared as genuinely, right then & there, made such a difference. This man came & visited me in the hospital after a work accident, just to see if I was okay… when in California just years prior, I had to go see him. So I crashed the car en route home, then the insurance payout afforded me a new vehicle… which I also had an epileptic wreck in soon after its acquisition. Apologies, no pictures of that one… though I understand they did have to cut me out of the crushed, burning car. After totaling my second car since arrival in Nevada, vacating the state was an inevitable suicide deterrent. I was on my way out, figuratively, one way or another…… and so I began looking at “options.”

Man, did it only get less & less “fun” from there.

“Well I can’t get any lower…… still I feel I’m sinking.”


~Chris Cornell