Whether you like it or not, circumstance is going to throw you curveballs. As life proceeds, those circumstances become more & more complicated. As you age, they become harder to adapt to & independently survive throughout. At a point, they may be impossible to advance beyond, if you’re even aided. Such is life, even at its easiest. It only becomes lonelier the further you go… as that many more die off, somehow incapacitate themselves, or otherwise f°°k their own lives off. And if you’ve come from the “right” type of circle as a youth… unfortunately, growing up to see the conclusion of so many unfortunate acts throughout life is an inevitability.

There are few that I’ve been in touch with since childhood, by design. In some cases, I was outright abandoned by these people (sometimes family) during medical emergencies. In some cases, conditions of mine buried me in my own varieties of psychological “graves”. No matter what momentary thoughts I beheld to ease my mind, I couldn’t out-think the happenings of disadvantageous recent years… or even the events of years before those. Since early childhood, I’d seen tragedies, traumas, conflicts, conditions, habits & health all flood “my picture.”

There comes a point in life when, simply, you’ve got to stop “playing the part”… you must stop “taking it,” and there can be no more just “accepting it.”

Nothing tests your ability to outright cope like losing such a prominent figure in life as a role model. Since I had been so young as it all occurred… it was as though every other adult-move made within my “line of sight” was as confusing as the one prior. Even then, though I believed I was upholding & staying strong… I was literally sinking further into my own hole, right before everyone’s eyes. By the time the wedding of my mother & future stepfather was upon me… less than two years after my father’s departure, I was forty pounds underweight & feeling absolutely hopeless. I couldn’t believe that my life had suddenly taken the turn it did.

By the time these two rescued me from the “hole” I was in, I’d had nearly two years to myself. I spent it in self-destruct mode. I’d fight, I’d do drugs and I’d gotten in with a bad crowd. Worst of all, it all literally happened while under my Grandmother’s watch. As a youth, this was my first, truly *empathetic* look at was it was like to actually “BE“ an addict. Nearly seven-hundred days had gone by. I’d accomplished so much, yet so little. No one I talked to back then is in touch with me today. Some have even died by now.

Having seen so much so soon, I’d never have anticipated that I’d grow into seeing as much by now. By 32 years old, I’d lived in one state, then visited one other briefly for business. A little more than a decade later, I’ve seen nearly half the country, plus two more, throughout. The woman I love and I, have come together in ways that have fulfilled a surplus of desires & cravings… as well as wants & needs. Throughout socializing in my later years, I’ve encouraged friends to persist in their efforts. I’ve tried to encourage them to stay undeterred in their ambitions, steadfast in their efforts and diligent in their purposes. What you grew from doesn’t have to be what you grow into. THIS, right here and right now, is our chance to “fix it”… to improve our family’s name, or situation, or position. Or whatever.

Rising to a challenge in life is so much like any other encumbrance you face. Whichever way that momentary or long-term challenge is best resolved is up to you to figure out, but only in-part. Logic & emotional reason play factors, but they should never each stand as “hindrances” in your ultimate decision-making. Never lose sight of the help you offer, in so many cases, only being capable of contributing so much… which really is not that much at all. As much as you love them, face it… it’s not even that all of these people have average intellects. MANY of them, especially in our “year 2000 era”, are outright stupid. And yes, that includes people you know & love.

Conveniently enough, we live in a nation that grants them the right to be as lazy & unsuccessfully overweight. God bless American’t. Your contribution to society, to the ones you love, is the love you show them throughout your life. Whether you love them or their purpose, or not, never let these fucks deter your own initiatives. No one… not those surrounding you, not even the ones who’ve known you the longest or at points stood the closest. are worth that. The only one who cares as much about you is you, period, point-blank. If you’ve believe that anyone still wants to see you succeed more than they have or do… I’d hope your parents are still alive.

Otherwise, benefits & medications for the mentally disabled are actually provided by the United States Government. Look into some of them.

Fulfilling happiness in life is a hard-fought individual journey. What you seek isn’t always what you find, but what you find isn’t always what you started to seek. In instances, life will throw a harder rock at you than expected. Other times, it will shower you with “gifts.” In any event, continue forth. Let nothing deter your goals or ambitions. Distractions are ever-existing, but don’t always have to be a variety of deterrent. Often, given time to calculate & plan, you will advance, then you will outlast & overcome whatever challenges you. Let nothing manipulate your mind or emotions. Settle for no excuses within. Focus on a goal & go into absolute isolation if you must to achieve it.

Your own happiness in life doesn’t matter to anyone else. It’s time to start acting like it.

“Well I just looked in the mirror, and things aren’t looking so good… I’m looking California, and feeling Minnesota…”

~Chris Cornell