People come and go. Friends find and lose one another. Loved ones fall in and out of their zones mutually. One constant must stand: thorough & tested understanding of who you are, and an unrelenting insistence upon nothing less.
To follow the ultimate failure that became my first, real relationship as a teenager, lesson after lesson came thereafter. Even now, years later, David Hojak makes observations about happenings of yesteryear, & applies their findings to here-and-now situations. There’s no “set” “Expiration Date” on a logical statement. Reason applies at all times. It always has, and will continue to… whether in personal, professional or political dealings. It just so happens that the most fun I’ve had hasn’t been with anything “pro” or “no” vote-like. Believe it or not, they haven’t been in relationships at all.
David Hojak’s time with other women has worked substantially for him in understanding how shallow & dense they can be. During marriage ceremony, one of the most important oaths a committed couple makes to each other… is the “in sickness & in health” part. Unfortunately for me, I’ve experienced first-f°°king-hand how these people work. Also unfortunately, I actually had an eventual-wife cross the country with me… then abandon me just as swiftly, once health difficulties jeopardized (then, caused me to lose) my job there.
These lessons will eventually be yours to learn in some way, as well…… they don’t all simply come from one woman. Each one, as incorrigible as they are, reminds us. We didn’t always like our teachers throughout school as they taught classrooms… but by the end of their goddamned lessons, we sure did know more.
After losing dad, moving to Grandma’s for >2 years & returning home again… inward came a rush of the most dishonest, disloyal, deceitful, deceptive, yet strikingly sexual type of distraction. Sure, her appeal at first had its perks, though I was too young to quantify their costs back then. Not much age would elapse by the time I caught onto how it was supposed to work… and once I’d gathered that, saying goodbye to her was a matter of making it happen. Regretfully, I gave her nearly eight loyal, youthful years.
As I “babysat” her kid at times (don’t get me started on all that), I was misled & lied to. Always consider what can motivate a given word, before assuming that word’s honesty. Nearly eight years’ worth of #1 had me ready to venture into the mountains as a Monk. A friend I trained Martial Arts with introduced me to someone she was related to, and thus, Relationship #2 began within two years of #1’s end,
Relationship #2 struck me as an innocent choice. She had no child, and aside from some “life” experience, we had no real personal discrepancies. Eventually though, I began to see that my age & her youth put us in a hopeless position. Though we “stuck it out” for just under four years, the last two were a misery marathon for me. I haven’t once actually talked to her in decades since. I understand she’s now married, and has a family. I think that’s incredible, and I wish her all the best. She was there with & for me, through one of the most mysterious times in my young adult life… until one day, suddenly, she wasn’t.
Recently, I called her father to see how he’d been & thank him for helping me. After realizing he barely remembered me, I realized where he’d situated me in his own mind… so I ended the call. It’ll be the last time him & I ever speak. I used to risk concussive impact to my unprotected skull on his construction jobs daily at one point. Years later, he doesn’t even remember my f°°king name.
People like this, elder & junior, exist all around you. They don’t give a fuck about you. 98% of them tolerate you mandatorily. ALWAYS keep that in mind.
Relationship #3 lasted a slight bit longer, though our end together came at a sad time. Both lives had seen tension, pressures, sadness, familial disconnections & romantic dishonesty… though not from each other. Introduced to me by a friend… she was there throughout some of the most trying health scares I’d see. Though we lasted less than a handful of years, our time’s value together is as immeasurable as it is memorable. Inevitably, she had her issues, as I had mine. We parted ways suddenly & disruptively. Our separation saw us not talk again for years.
Eventually, we reestablished contact after so long. And believe me…… for how long we spent together, it really was so long. She’s not only been a friend… but her and her husband, as much as he must love me by now, have been vital to my survival. God bless this woman and that man. If not for them, and in so many ways… I don’t know if I’d have made it this far.
Relationship #4 became Wife #1 after a reunion that was two decades in the making. For my first time, I left the heated southwest & faced the frigid northeast… *then,* I got a job offer that’d have us back west about 600 days after my eastward journey. All it took was me feeling -37° Fahrenheit, then asking someone I’d helped prior for an opportunity local to them. Once relocated, though she’d only leave the house when I took her out… she still found reasons & ways to complain. Given my opportunity to work in Vegas, after so many relocations & all there was to do… somehow, it wasn’t enough for her.
Eventually, my own health’s momentary downturn cost me my Vegas job… and as soon as it did, she bailed. Hell, I came to find out that her friends had setup a ‘GoFundMe’ account to take donations on her behalf. So in essence, my first wife was waiting for me to die… then, hoping to die in-action, marathon Xbox gaming. This is what I get for selecting #winners.
As health impeded & plagued my employment eligibility… having been abandoned by the woman who’d looked me in the eyes & given me the “till death” line… I left Las Vegas, having done my best while there. On my way to stay with a friend in Southern California, a few stops along the way deterred motivation slightly. I was lied to. I was stolen from. I was wholeheartedly fooled. Eventually, psychological reprieve came my way…… most of the time, while alone. All was fine when I wasn’t giving others space to influence or interrupt my method of negotiating what I “saw.” You may see that in similar situations, the same very well could apply to you.
Though I’ve known today’s Mrs. Hojak since I was a child, we didn’t meet & instantly say “this is the one,” by any means. Knowing each other & growing together isn’t a plan every couple gets to have. Though, those that can come to develop & advance together experience something life-changing. One thing I’ve learned as I age is that my elders aren’t always “wise” enough to do anything but insist. To me, those “types” come off more like embittered, rambling morons than they do wise or thoughtful elders… or others that contribute to the positivity of your path. Two things I’ve come to learn over the course of my short, young life… trust nothing you hear, and trust even less of what you see.
Where it begins for you will not be where it ends up. Enjoy each & every moment of time spent in your fleeting days, as much as you can. Nothing, least of all human life, is forever. Appreciate and value those who mean the most to you while you can, and let them know you love them. Let them know while they’re still here, while they can still hear & feel. Don’t let regret of words unsaid leave you thinking feelings are dead. Most importantly, don’t waste your capacities to love on the unworthy, the ungrateful, the dishonest or the disloyal.
“And wherever you’ve gone… and wherever we might go………… It don’t seem fair…you seemed to like it here…”
~ Ed Vedder
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