Learning experiences come from every angle as you age. Some come with unforeseen expense. Some come at unexpected costs. In any event, everything you see teaches you in advance, in pursuit of your own ultimate goal. It’s no one else’s responsibility to assure your security, or success, or safety… or even comfort. Most primarily, as you age into ever-so-slightly adult years, it’s up to YOU to protect yourself at all costs… even when at your most helpless. So much as the slightest wrong suggestion to the wrong “one” that anything was difficult to the wrong person… it should‘ve been “socially cataclysmic.” David Hojak quickly observed these types of insecurities driving people inward on themselves, to the tune of nothing productive.

Your solitude in self-concern becomes most obvious once your entire family has suddenly died. Sure it’s a hard lesson to endure, but it prepared me for so much that was yet-to-come in life. By the time those happenings were upon me, my psychological preparations had tempered me in advance. Though I didn’t feel as if it were the case… seemingly, each time a situation offered pressure, I somehow “out-thought” it. The older I got, the more quickly I realized why all my friends seemingly were older… none of the kids my age were experiencing the same types of “complications” in life. And back then I didn’t know it, but it was SO much better that way.

Solitude meant independence by way of so many varieties I hadn’t anticipated. So young, I just got lost in simply moving away from such a broken home, as early as possible. Ultimately, this meant taking on my first relationship entirely by chance, and somewhat out of desperation. Having grown as tired of dysfunction, by the time “Relationship #1” came at 16 year-old David Hojak… he ran with that chance to move out, like he was Usain Bolt trying to place first in a marathon. And though she had a child with a childhood rival of mine… and even though she was older than me, with a promiscuous reputation to boot… I literally said “fººk it,” and made the first move of its type in my life.

So much provoked and motivated that newly-independent relocation. At the same time, so much was yet to come by way of lessons, happenings & situational adjustments. By the time that girl & I split, I’d seen more than I ever thought I would… and in so many ways, so much more than I ever expected or wanted to. Luckily, after having grown beyond it with my sanity intact… I retained my faith in the opposite sex & proceeded in life, though with the utmost psychological caution.

‘Relationship #2’ was shorter-lived, much less fun & much more loving, though the age difference created tension at times… especially relatively to my health. If even only by a few years, this was my first romantic experience with a woman slightly younger… and it made it strange, in ways. I never quite “adjusted to her” psychologically, so becoming close with her was difficult. Having been younger than me as my life’s complications worsened… her own youthful understanding & lacking empathy (despite a professional medical background) became obvious. Beyond close to four years with her, we parted ways without so much as even a hug.

“Relationship #3” came with complications, but a beneficial love I’d not yet seen in a relationship before then… and at such a pivotal time, no less. When we first met, I had no idea that she’d get to watch me endure as much… yet she did. In the end, watching me damn near die in a hospital after rushing me there was too much for her. Though friendship has stayed strong over the years (she’d be the first ex I can say that about)… it didn’t “restart” that way right after we “broke up”. Though she’d watched me “die the first time,” we went half a decade without speaking one time once we split.

As time went by, distance between us created space & time within which to nurture a forgiving frame of mind… for both of us. By the first time we civilly talked in half a decade, both lives had carried well beyond each other’s. She was now happily married, and since her, I’d been adventurously divorced. Her new secure home kept her there, while I’d seen four states in as many years. Though I lost nearly everything I owned for the second time in my life, on her watch… I maintained. For social sanity’s & “retrospective love’s” sake, now was more of a time than ever.

The only increase that’s important at a point is how much effective distance there is between you and your former… IN ALL WAYS. Without a pressure-free proximity, no progress can be prioritized appropriately. Rumors, dishonestly spoken insults, words disingenuously spoken, and unintentionally told truths will only distract you. Focus only on, and dedicate yourself to, your own thought-out objectives. Ultimately, the only one who will positively reap what they’ve sown, if done correctly, will be you.



“And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass… of what was everything…”


~ Eddie Vedder