From an early age, David Hojak was told of what the “better half” of his family… the more “well-behaved” side of it… had occupied their time with. Throughout youth, there wasn’t much relative segregation at all. Normalized functions & invites to spend holidays with relatives were common. Once others in the family became more conscious of choices David Hojak’s parents were making, though… invites to functions began to come further & fewer between.
Over generations, elder family should offer themselves up as “good” examples. They should draw the attention of the young positively, in whatever way they must. Yet. as captivating as it’s not, it still sucks to watch a well-intended loved-one willingly endure a harsh challenge undertaken. When that challenge just-so-happens to be the very parents caring for you, it can absolutely drive a family schizophrenic.
One thing Grandpa did well with, in any instance, was guiding me via his words despite the age gap. He must’ve realized early-on that my parents weren’t quite “fully-grown” at-heart yet. Whenever we visited him, and he had the chance… he’d give me an “inside track” on everything I asked him about. As adults joked & laughed around us, our talks were quieter and more sensitive. I’d ask questions, and where at first Grandpa would “pad” his answers, eventually honesty in his observations presented itself. “Family” began to feel like it for a little while there… if even he was telling me to be careful about how my parents behaved. His own passing came early in my childhood. He was the first relative of many, my mother included, that I watched die a slow death.
It was as though I came into understanding life with the knowledge that Grandpa John was an elder… and his time to “pass away” was coming far too soon. At such a young age, though I knew “what it meant”… I had no idea how his absence would impact our family. I’d not yet seen the loss of an elder figure in a family, let alone anywhere but on TV. Of all the things Grandpa “left” me…… he had his war medals & one of his uniforms. He also had his signed letter from President Ronald Reagan, recognizing his service in the Armed Forces… somewhat of an unofficial “Letter of Discharge,” something more commemorative of his time served.
These documents were within one of the boxes I stored in that “wh0re’s” storage… the storage that *apparently* got broken into. Ironically, after she checked, none of her things were missing… yet, all of MINE were gone. I still have not reported her to law. I know that when I do, it’ll ruin her financially. That’s definitely why she filed a restraining order against me. Had it not been for my father’s early-life passing, these items would be his, in his possession. Knowing that this woman set me up to be robbed is equal-parts puzzling & disappointing. She’s knowingly subjected her family to karma’s path, whichever way it winds. In these instances, though tempting, these types will find me nowhere near their proximity. I laugh from afar as the wheel sees to its inevitable “collection,” based on how smart they’re not.
Grandpa Hojak’s passing was so much sadder, in my mind, than anything that’s led to other “departures.” Yet, his contribution to his country stood for so much more while he was here. He didn’t lead an unaccomplished life, and he didn’t die a hollow death. That is so much more than so many nowadays will ever be capable of honestly saying about themselves. So few others gave me the impressions with their own passings that my Grandfather did. Call it biased… I was never guided to believe that they’d accomplished anything near what he had, by the times they passed. My Grandfather, in his elderly age, would’ve lined them up & kicked all their asses… even if he’d been missing a leg.
Some at this stage in life, myself included, have no elders to offer guiding advice, or look up to. Yet with this same hand, some go out… and they handle all those responsibilities in their day as if it’s another game of cards at the table. I look up to that elevation of focus and determination. To this day, I still occasionally look back & grit my teeth while thinking of past happenings. I knew that no action I took would’ve helped. Health-wise, I was wandering the world like a goddamn time-bomb on legs. Socially, I wanted to talk as much as a statue would. Psychologically, I had no answers. As this elder suddenly disappeared, while in tandem my most primary elders fell further into addiction, I had no answers. If I’d been old enough to have inquiries back then, no one would have bothered to respond.
Via simply specific & quick Google queries, I quickly found two specific qualities about him to be absolutely ironic.
Researching his middle name “Aladar” lead quickly to: “Aladar is a unique and captivating name with Hungarian origins. It means “noble” or “great leader.” While not as common as other names, it holds a sense of distinction… and evokes images of strength and leadership.”
When I queried “Hojak,” I found: “The last name Hojak is (probably) of Polish origin. It is a variant of the name “Wojciech,” which is a commonly Polish-given name meaning “happy warrior” or “joyful warrior.“
My time with him was limited, but his influence on me continually lives on through my actions. As I age, I’m told more & more that I look like he did (I think his nose was bigger). I loved this man dearly & I wish I’d had longer to learn from him… to be his right-hand, and to be positively influenced by his own unique psychology.
I think of “Aladar” meaning “noble” or “great leader,” then I think of “Hojak” meaning “happy/joyful warrior,” and I laugh. I am absolutely related to this man. Though I’ve no military experience, what I’ve endured in life & in different combat settings is comparable, in my opinion. During spots in life where my task was to lead, I did so, and I did it well. Tasks were laid out. Responsibilities were delegated. Workers were held responsible. Grandpa would have been the same way. In ways, through each of our lives, we both fought in our own wars.
Whether friends of family or actual relative elders, life’s been full of goodbyes for me, starting young. Grandpa Hojak was one of the first I had to watch them bury. As a child, I cried at this funeral. Even then, I realized the finality of this particular type of ceremony. There’d be no further talks, no more visits… no more “us” time. All I was left with now was memories of him… and my parents, who had already begun their late-night-at-home socializing. Even once I was in-school. they didn’t give two tenths of a flying f§§k. Alcohol and drugs became routine, quickly put in place to fill the void left by now-dead elder relatives… who I know would have handled me differently, BETTER.
Nonetheless, I blame a difficult series of years for nothing. It’s up to each of us individually to overcome our own difficulties, as diverse as they’ll be. They never stop presenting themselves, so our continual mental modification, per event, becomes crucial. By now, I’ve had to adapt to so many hardships, I feel like a psychological chameleon. Something tells me that it’s possible I inherited that gift from my Grandfather. While here, he helped as much as was possible… like so many others did. Watching him pass as he did must’ve been difficult for my father, his son. His death wasn’t agonizing, but it was slow & neurological. Some visits were like watching one’s elder years cause a brain’s self-destruction.
“As the man of the hour is taking his final bow… as the curtain comes down, I feel that this is just goodbye for now.”
~Eddie Vedder
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