Separations in David Hojak’s relationships have never been easy. Durations of time spent together became irrelevant. Instances of forgiveness were suddenly & conveniently forgotten, betrayals dismissed & denied. Efforts spent upholding trust & faith became instantaneously irrelevant. Everything contributed to fortifying meaningful moments became ammunition for insults, insecurities & bad memories… as inconsiderately & inconveniently abruptly as possible. Suddenly, souvenirs of a once-sovereign love were as soiled and soured as ever. Redemption can become a harder-fought gain. Life & love in lustful, lasting tandem become dangerously & deceptively deadly, even to those surveying from a distance.

Relationship #3 & I didn’t work, though her contributions to my life as an ever-lasting “forever friend” hold as unrivaled. Having been there to hold my hand within milliseconds of my first flatline experience… she’s one of two people that have already seen me so momentarily susceptible. Over time, her own “life obstacles” collided with mine, and we parted ways after about four years. We were both quick to make new homes in separation, though eventually a friendship was rekindled. We experienced occasional friction within our relationship while close, mainly via her “habits” & my memories of my own Mother… but eventually, from a distance, we became capable of setting differences aside.

Since then, she’s actually been there to help me when no one else was, and more than once (… but not too much more). I can safely say that if it weren’t for her, by now… I should have been traded to a third-world country as a slave. I was as useless to the working class as a dumb, mute amputee… yet, there she was. We’ll get into all that another time.

One of my “last iconic landmark Cali shots” back then was one I nabbed while visiting Venice Beach… on the coast of Southern California. I visited there within weeks of me leaving the state. Personally, I think the shot came out awfully. Then again, cameras back then hadn’t come nearly as far as they have by now. By all means, in some instances, you can shoot DSLR-caliber photography with YOUR PHONE. Either way, I haven’t been back to that particular beach since. By all means, I never thought I was coming back. The last beach I went to was closer to San Diego… and while there, Wife & I got to enjoy a Pearl Jam performance.

Suddenly back then, Relationship #4’s potential was upon me… and within less than a month of my at-home situation dissolving in California, I relocated cross-country. I’d not only never traveled this far north… but I’d never been to a state that offered its citizens THESE types of winters. I was literally making the jump from a state that saw highs in excess of the 100º Fahrenheit range… to a state that saw lows near the -45º Fahrenheit range. I’d known the woman since I was a child via the internet, off-and-on… and our sudden, then-recent “reconnection” must’ve had her feeling romantic. We’d spent a good many years of my childhood knowing (and talking to) each other, from such a distance. Now, we were reconnecting. Plus, the fact that she offered such plentiful Chesticles didn’t impede my motivation one bit. Post-split, with what little money I’d saved, I left California to live elsewhere for my very first time.

Me and #4 were in the Northeast for about a year-and-a-half. Where this woman so unfortunately lived was colder than God infuriated. As a devout Green Bay Packers fan, I have enough genuine reason to dislike her hometown already. That aside, people I met from near-there were awesomely & unexpectedly warm-hearted and caring. We’d go out to a bar that was actually in that area… and though I was scared to death while outside… suddenly once there, it felt like more people showed up on their karaoke nights over time, once I sang there. The bar appreciated me. Freebies were common after so long. Requests even came sometimes. I didn’t feel like I nailed ’em all, but I did my best.

While re-igniting my creativity, I was enjoying myself as much as possible otherwise. Once, we got to see my beloved Green Bay Packers locally… as they laid down an absolutely domestic-scale ass-beating on a piddly division rival. You’ll notice that in my picture, I’m literally the only one in the frame with a Packers jersey on. There’s a damn good reason for that. For years, Green Bay had to put up with that rival team’s one player. Over the course of the last two QB generations, from Favre to Rodgers…… with every opportunity, this city’s team has smoked pole (not peace pipe), won nothing & achieved less. Here-and-there draft picks don’t count. The last time the they’d won a championship, not even a Superbowl, was decades before my birth. I walked into & out of that stadium, knowing that & smiling the entire time. I knew I’d see Green Bay domestically dominate ass, and that not many fans would cheer as it happened. BeLIEVE me when I tell you, Hojak got plenty loud with every opportunity to do so… though the ass-kicking I saw was so severe, there really weren’t that many opportunities. I would’ve gotten lynched.

One night, I felt it get to the coldest I’ve ever felt in my life. I was layered-up, wearing four jackets. It was between -30º and -35º degrees Fahrenheit on average around those weeks…. yet one night, the “Feels Like” temperature on my phone read -37º Fahrenheit. It was at that very moment that I vowed to somehow get the f&&k out of there.

The next day started with a call to a man I knew in Las Vegas, Nevada… one I’d done internet work for. I explained to him that I wanted to flea this state I’d ended up in, and as quickly as possible. I noted humorously that I hated their most local Football team, and wanted nothing but Western Hemisphere heat back. Maaaaaaan, did I make a mistake on that last assessment.

“Boss” advanced me $5k, we bought a truck, we packed it full & the two of us headed west. She was going to be seeing the western United States for the second time in her life. I was going to once again become familiar with how mercilessly hot it got there. While she’d be clammed-up in air-conditioning, contributing some of her disability checks… Epilepsy & all, I commuted daily to work. Sometimes, she contributed to smoke & food expenses. Given, as I held a full-time job that came with an anytime-you-want pass to hotels in 15 main-strip casinos… she played her Xbox. Even then it was daily, and given my condition… I put my life & health on the line, just by leaving the house.

Her colors showed truly as soon as we crossed the Nevada state line. Hell, most of the way, she drove. I never saw the change in tune coming. Once we arrived, though…… It was as though a new, more “emotionally weakened” girl was suddenly mine to “care for”… and I’d be doing this in a new state, with no Medical Insurance, while having to work insanely off-the-wall hours. Chips were stacked against me. Bets were not in my favor, and I don’t blame any player at that table.

At least out east, the occasional Packers game made for a freezing-cold, local, entertaining evening. In Vegas, Raiders Stadium was not yet finished when we’d arrived. UFC’s scheduled events were not yet happening at their in-Vegas, on-site location. Though Vegas Blvd. was going to offer me night-after-night of entertaining opportunities, it was also going to be hotter than hell. At 2:00 am, it’d be 108º degrees Fahrenheit… quite the geological difference between our destination & where we’d started our adventure. Not to mention, journey-wise… this would be my second time crossing the country to chase “something better” in less than two years. I’d never traveled like this in my life. I’d never even left California at-length before “all this” started. At my northeast destination, people seemed to expect outsiders to “have issues,” but be secretive or deceptive about them. Thanks to my new boss, #4 & I had a new lease on not just locale, but also social dealings.

Man…… were optimistic anticipations of the forthcoming alongside her a mistake, through and through.

“When life comes alive the past moves aside… no regrets and no remorse”

~Chris Cornell